Today I am going to share one of the most insane experiences I’ve had since going back into dating. I was decorating for Christmas shortly after Thanksgiving when a guy walked right up while I was hanging lights in the window and knocked on the door. I mistook him for one of the handymen at our apartment, so I opened the door. The guy had even waved at me while I was hanging up lights in a really familiar way so I honestly did believe it was the handyman, who just days before had been going around trying to figure out what the keys he found were to. I realized I made a horrible mistake almost as soon as I opened the door.
I watch a lot of ID channel shows and Criminal Minds so I instantly felt like I had been cast as the victim. I tried to remain calm and nice while looking for an opportune moment to get the door closed and bolted.
This guy introduced himself to me as Dave. He thought I was very pretty. He informed me that now we weren’t strangers anymore and we were friends. I forced a smile and shook his offered hand. He thankfully never tried to force himself in and I continued to entertain him because I didn’t think I could get the door locked before he could push it open. It was the scariest ten minutes of my life.
This guy kept talking to me for that full ten minutes. Finally, he shook my hand and left. I wasn’t sure what has just happened, but I was alive so that was all I cared about. I resolved to be way more careful with opening the door in the future. After I calmed my nerves, I finished hanging the lights up, then sat down to my tablet. There were messages from him on Plenty of Fish and Facebook. My last name and Facebook page are not on my POF account. My address isn’t on either of those sites. The best I could piece together, this guy did a reverse photo search or some other similar maneuver to find my Facebook page. From there, he messaged a friend under the guise of sending me a Christmas gift or card. I had moved fairly recently, so my friend didn’t think much of it and gave it to him.
I’m quite unsure why this guy did this. I don’t know if it was to try to be sweet, if it was nerves, maybe he thought it would make a bigger impression (and oh how it did!). Thankfully, other than a wooden cross that was left on my porch that I’m unsure who put it there so I can’t directly blame him, he hasn’t tried to contact me since I blocked him on everything. Honestly guys, allow me to tell you the one and only impression you make on a woman stalking her around like this; she thinks “how did I end up on Criminal Minds? How is this dude going to kill me? How can I get away?” That’s really it; that’s all we are thinking? We are definitely not thinking “How sweet that this guy hunted me down like this to surprise me! How sweet!”
Why can’t guys just approach us like normal people? Why do they have to do it in a way that makes us want to carry pepper spray or to find the nearest police officer? I have had my fair share of guys approach me, as has just about every woman out there, and none of these encounters strike as me as endearing. Why do you catcall, make comments about our bodies, and attempt to touch us? Most of us know what’s on your mind when you do this and most of us aren’t interested. It’s embarrassing and quite frankly, scary having a strange guy touch us or make rude comments to us. You aren’t winning any points with us for it. And then when we dodge you, you cuss us out and tell us off like we are the jerks in this situation. We aren’t.
Next, give us your information if you want us to get in touch or take a hint that we aren’t interested when we find excuses not give you our information or take yours. The feeling just isn’t mutual and you can move on to a girl who wants your time. I don’t know how many times I’ve told a guy I don’t have a phone just to get him to drop the trying to exchange numbers thing. I’m trying so hard to find a way to save face for you and let you down easily, as most women do, but here you are trying to figure out where to send the plane to write a message on the sky to try to get me to go out with you. I appreciate it, but if I’m telling you I live on a deserted island with no communication and you’re still trying to give me your number or get mine, I’m eventually going to just say I’m not interested and then you’re call me something that rhymes with witch because supposedly I’m being rude. Let’s all save face; just say ok and leave. It sucks, but it won’t be nearly as frustrating this way.
And lastly, please don’t stalk anyone. It’s creepy; there’s no other way to put it to you. You’ll get my attention stalking me, but not the way you had hoped. I don’t know any girl who thinks that being stalked down by some guy they don’t know who thinks he is now her best friend. I get google searching someone you’re seeing, especially if they won’t say much to you and you just want to make sure they are who they say they are, but if you know I’m leaving my house at 8:57 every morning, you aren’t getting a date, you’re getting a restraining order.
So guys (and girls if you are stalking a guy), just be normal. It goes a long way. Don’t force it. Break the ice with a simple question; even just how are you doing is better than showing up at my apartment before I even know you. Make us laugh; we’re more likely to decide we do want to talk to you. And as always, be upfront with your intentions. This won’t always work, some girls can be real jerks too, but most of us will realize you got up the nerve to come talk to use and will be kinder and honest with you. If we really aren’t interested, then we will say so and be more gentle in letting you down. Most women actually don’t enjoy embarrassing men. If they do, consider yourself having dodged a huge bullet. It seems men these days are taking the tension out of building a relationship by trying to avoid putting themselves out there and saying instead, let’s just be friends first or going overboard like this guy that showed up on my porch. So guys, let me hear from you in the comments; what happened to asking a girl out? And ladies, what’s the cutest way someone has asked you out?